For richer or poorer, until we can't stand each other

I can't remember the first time I envisioned my own wedding--or if I ever did. Growing up in a household where marital warfare was more common than eating together just didn't seem to be a conducive environment for me to be thinking about marriage. But I did make dresses out of blankets secured by clothespins, so I guess my childhood wasn't so bland. It was a rite of passage, but one that gave me a scar on the left side of my cheek. (Thankfully, it has faded through time and religious application of Cebo de Macho.)

But anyway, weddings. The more I am exposed to the oftentimes unnecessary extravagance, the more I fall for the idea of an elopement or an intimate wedding. Having more than fifty guests would just be too much for me, but that would probably just be half of my side of the family, so...

By eight am I was already in the hotel lobby, casually jealous of the people enjoying their breakfast buffet but also feeling accomplished. I was the first in my team to arrive and this meant being spared from buying coffee for everyone as a penalty for being late. This also gave me time to mentally and physically prepare myself for today. You'll never really know what you're getting yourself into until you're halfway through the day and you just want to pass out cold on the floor. The first time I assisted in a wedding was a little over two months ago and I swore I would never do it again. And yet...

The renewal of vows was at Molo Church, whose aisle is the longest in Iloilo City. The running joke is it's long enough to give the bride plenty of time to mull things over, and especially to swerve before she reaches the altar.

I was setting up place cards on the first few rows and couldn't help but glance up to the altar. I felt like I should be feeling something, but instead I felt foolish (then a bit guilty, and ultimately, irritably confused). What really am I missing here? was the recurring question as I finished up what I was doing. It was a difficult thing to process, honestly. I felt out of place.

Just before the entourage arrived, I was requested to transfer to the wedding facilitated by the other team. They needed an extra hand since the number of expected guests for that one was almost five-hundred. I already got tired just by knowing that.

It was at Jaro Cathedral and by the time the ceremony was starting, the place was packed. It was exhausting to look at, and facilitating it was even more so.