Baby steps are harder to make
July 18, 2017
Doing things for my so-called career has a certain way of making me want to drop to the floor, hold my knees close to my chest, and rock back and forth just until the feeling dissipates. But it never really does. If I'm lucky, it just turns into an altogether different kind of dread. It has become an inside joke among me and my friends--our imagined immediate reaction to anything that agonizes us. Rock back and forth, remove your earrings and put them back again, think of every single failure you've committed, think of yourself as a failure, try breathing exercises and give up five seconds in. Pretty much the reason why I'm like this.
I was scheduled for an interview today. I fell asleep while revising my resume last night so of course I had to cram everything hours before. It was like college all over again, except with an intensified sense of apprehension.
Thankfully I got up earlier than usual so Jett and I had the time to have breakfast at Monkey Grounds, which is this hip cafe reputed for its healthy meal choices--meaning food I don't normally eat.
This was my meal. I didn't even dare touch that bowl of greens.
And this was Jett's. I'll forever be envious of people who can drink coffee on an empty stomach.
So the interview went well, or at least I think it did. I wanted to withdraw my application halfway through it, though. I wanted to just pack up and leave, say sorry I don't think I can actually do this please hire that guy instead--but thankfully I didn't do that. I wore my only pair of heels for this, for fuck's sake. I'm not letting that bit of effort go to waste.
I was riddled with uncertainty afterward, but not about whether or not I'll be hired. It has more to do with this attemp to enter the corporate world fully knowing that I did not prepare myself (in many aspects) for this. I'm still trying to make sense of it, or at least comfort myself with the idea that by working in here, in Iloilo, I will be able to minimize my expenses, actually spend time with people I care about, et cetera. Still, this familiary is more exhausting than encouraging. I can only hope for the tables to turn soon enough.
I was scheduled for an interview today. I fell asleep while revising my resume last night so of course I had to cram everything hours before. It was like college all over again, except with an intensified sense of apprehension.
Thankfully I got up earlier than usual so Jett and I had the time to have breakfast at Monkey Grounds, which is this hip cafe reputed for its healthy meal choices--meaning food I don't normally eat.
This was my meal. I didn't even dare touch that bowl of greens.
And this was Jett's. I'll forever be envious of people who can drink coffee on an empty stomach.
So the interview went well, or at least I think it did. I wanted to withdraw my application halfway through it, though. I wanted to just pack up and leave, say sorry I don't think I can actually do this please hire that guy instead--but thankfully I didn't do that. I wore my only pair of heels for this, for fuck's sake. I'm not letting that bit of effort go to waste.
I was riddled with uncertainty afterward, but not about whether or not I'll be hired. It has more to do with this attemp to enter the corporate world fully knowing that I did not prepare myself (in many aspects) for this. I'm still trying to make sense of it, or at least comfort myself with the idea that by working in here, in Iloilo, I will be able to minimize my expenses, actually spend time with people I care about, et cetera. Still, this familiary is more exhausting than encouraging. I can only hope for the tables to turn soon enough.
0 comments