Resignation to the familiar

For now, I'm choosing stay. The idea of moving out and setlling down in a new place has always been my kind of fantasy but no matter how far my grand ideations of independent living may wander, practicality and the bitter reality always pull me back into this godforsaken (but tolerable and occassionally lovable) place. I became tethered to its formidable significance (and very sadly so) since I started earning my own (meager, but my own) money and when Isza and I went around the city looking for apartments. Who knew a dingy apartment could cost so much!!!

I stopped asking my parents for allowance exactly since graduation day. It was an underwhelming event and that is an altogether different story, but let's just say it felt empty. It probably had to do with the tasteless venue. But at least, and this is my only consolation, I'm a graduate now. A graduate with a constantly dwindling money, that is.

I've been actively looking for a job since I realized my current monthly earning isn't even enough to cover my daily expenses (and the copious amount of coffee and other unnecessary stuff I buy out of habit and impulsiveness, mostly). Which sucks, because I actually enjoy my job since it mostly involves being in front of my laptop and working with really creative people. I've been in a cycle of post-interview panic and post-interview anxiety in the past few weeks. If anything, it made me realize how much I cower during formal, face-to-face interactions.

I'm currently waiting for a response from a company I actually would like to work for, but only on account of how it's going to help me with my long-term goal of starting a business. I'm staying for this and I hope I made the right choice, or at least the one that makes the most sense.