In retrospect

It's been almost a year since I promised to an Uber driver that I'm never going to work in Manila.

I believe the conversation started when he asked me if I was a student. "I just graduated,"I said from the backseat.

It was 4 am. I just got off the bus from Manaoag, and I haven't had a decent sleep in days. My graduation ceremony was just two days ago and it was underwhelming. It made me more frightened than excited, but at least I was finally done with college. Hours later, I found myself in Manila. And then in Manaoag, standing on my father's grave. 

So the past few days were exhausting... in more ways than one. Now I was in the backseat of a stranger's car, wanting so badly to just pass out. But this man had other plans.

"Ah, malambing magsalita ang mga Ilonggo!" He said upon knowing where I'm from. I chuckled to myself, thinking how most people I know sound far from sweet.

The roads were unsurprisingly empty. It was early morning, after all. Almost cinematic -- but maybe because I was just a passing stranger. 

"Gusto mo magtrabaho dito?" He said after a few minutes of silence between us. I almost scoffed. 

"I'll never work here, I swear." 

I may have said it a bit too adamantly and for a moment, I thought he'd be offended. To my surprise, he ended up praising my indignance. Then he lectured me on how Manila often "corrupts" people from the provinces. "Buti pa sa probinsya, simple lang. Peaceful pa."

Four months later, I found myself in Manila again. This time with a much bigger luggage and an even heavier heart.



I wish it was that easy. I mean, sure... I can book a one-way ticket now and forget about this place forever, but I've given up so much to get to where I am now. This is nowhere near where I really want to be at, but hey -- I'm getting closer. Or at least I'd like to believe that I am. 

I was in love with the idea of independent living but hated most of the responsibility that came with it. I've been careless since I got here. Maybe this was what the Uber driver meant when he said this place would "corrupt" me.

But it's pathetic to pin my own recklessness on a place, no?

Well, this part of my life is called eating my words and choking on them.