Back to square one

It’s been almost a month since I lost my job.

Not exactly the words I wanted to write during the holidays but hey, shit happens. Sometimes on a Wednesday, at approximately 3:30 PM. It seemed like a normal workday, but I should've known a fuckening was about to go down because:

1) things have been pretty weird in the office for the past few weeks and 
2) I was listening to Les Miserables... and I'm not even into musicals. 

The humor isn't lost on me.

Re$pect the hu$tle

When I decided to work at a startup, I looked forward to a lot of unconventional office things. You know, the things Hollywood and Entrepreneur articles sold us: the beanbags, free pizza, the cute office pet, maybe standing desks and sleeping pods? 

As an embarrassingly naive fresh graduate, I thought maybe those perks won't make work feel like, well... work. The thing is, it was an early-stage startup. Meaning, we had none of those things. Just plain old desks and swivel chairs. I didn't really mind, though.

But if I had a dollar every time I heard the words ‘hustle’ and ‘grind’, I wouldn’t have needed the job. 

It was a test of character as much as it was a test of skills. And while I was constantly being upskilled, my mental disposition kept faltering.

The Bathroom Breakdowns started happening. The “I haven’t gotten out of bed yet but I can’t wait to go home later” feeling became all-too consuming. To be honest, I was getting ready to jump ship. Joke's on me though, because I didn’t know we were already underwater. 

When it was announced that we were being let go, my mother's "I told you so" spiel started playing in my mind. It hasn't stopped since.

I was already well on my way deeper into the downward spiral. But being suddenly unemployed created a whole new rock-bottom I never thought I'd get at. 

Unemployment, missed flights, and other plot twists

I was at Tagaytay two days after. I've been told I (badly) needed to unwind, so I did and it was all good things. Our room got upgraded for free, the balcony had a great view of the Taal, and best of all, we had beer. 

It's been so long since I last felt this peaceful, even with the unforgiving Tagaytay breeze biting my unemployed ass.

Quite a few things - both good and stupid - also happened since then. Like me purposely missing my flight for an application update that didn't come (please don't do this!!!). 

Or me applying to an advertising agency despite my indifference to bigass corporations. 

Or me being a full-time freelancer again and failing to stick with my ideal daily routine because I don't have the self-discipline to avoid timesucks.

But I'm in a better place now! Slowly getting back on my feet, or something like that. Best thing about this new setup is everything's pretty flexible. Which means I get to do a bit more freelancing on the side (hit me up for gigs, y'all!) and more time to work on my own startup. 

If anyone told me months ago that this is where I'll be by the end of 2018, I would've just laughed and dismissed it as a sick joke. (Or believe it completely and overthink it for the next few weeks because... you know me.) 

But, well. Life has a way of pulling the rug from under you when you least expect it.

All these make me feel like I'm back to square one, but I guess that's fine. I hope this my last plot twist for 2018 though because honestly, this year has been really, really tiring.