2018: a summary or something

2018 was all about redirection.

Sure, it's a sugarcoated term for failed attempts and rejections, but I spent the past 12 months trying to find the good in the unexpected, the disappointing, and even the downright terrible. Let’s not break the optimism. 

Even this hell of a year deserves a look-back of some kind, so… here goes.

January was hopeful. The proverbial clean slate with sometimes too idealistic promises of self-improvement. 

I spent the first few days in Iloilo so it definitely started off on a good note. But when I went back to Manila, the illusion fell away: I lived in a crowded apartment, my daily routine started with work and ended with more work, and most weekends would (voluntarily) still be about work. 

I honestly didn’t think it was problematic. Or that maybe I was trying to avoid something by busying myself with other things. But some things take longer for you to realize. Sometimes too late, even.

Best moment of this month was watching Orange and Lemons and Autotelic with friends. I’m rarely spontaneous but this one is filed under Unplanned Things That Turned Out Great.

February, contrary to what it is universally known, was all about heartbreak. But moving on, too. I finally moved out of the apartment and moved into a better one, despite still being a bedspacer. 

It gave me a sense of peace and progress, as if something in my life was actually going pretty great. A part of me believed so, despite also losing an almost two-year relationship just shortly after moving. It was my first break-up.

March was pretty chill. I went out with friends for food, drinks, and tips on navigating adulthood without losing our sanity (or at least the little of what’s left of it).

April was traumatic. I got into a stupid motorcycle accident that gave me scars I’ll probably have for life. I just wanted to go out for coffee (and stationery shopping) on a Friday night, and then I was in the ER a few moments later. 

Nothing really prepares you for this. And without a healthcard, you’ll be fucked harder than most. (Sorry, mom.)

I visited Escolta in May. It was enchanting. 

Aand I also got to watch The Random Collective (again) and Hale (for the first time)!

This was also the month I started using dating apps. And the first guy I dated? Absolute trash. To give you an idea, he tried to fake a suicide when I tried to end things. LOL.

Best memory I have of June is attending the Fête de la Musique. We went stage-hopping and discovered a lot of bomb-ass artists. It was a great night, blistered feet and all.

My family spent a week with me in Manila on July. It was a nice break from work. We had an unsatisfying lunch at QC, went around BGC, and my brother and I spent an afternoon drawing and writing at Toby’s cafe.

A shitton of introspection happened in August. And it was getting bad again so naturally, I started looking for exit signs. Or new habits. Mostly self-destructive ones. 

See, carelessness can easily disguise itself as adventure and the next thing you know, you’re already knee-deep in the shit you’ve unknowingly brought upon yourself. And you have absolutely no idea how to get yourself out.

September, I turned 22. It was bittersweet, as all birthdays turn out to be once you pass the 18 mark. I also had my Most Epic Breakdown sometime during this month. 

The good part, though, was that I finally got to watch a gig at Route 196: She’s Only Sixteen, Munimuni, I Belong to the Zoo, etc. 

October was all about balancing my time (or at least trying to) between my day job and a passion project. This project made my otherwise dull day-to-day a bit more interesting. This month was a blur of office work and cafe hangouts, but also of breakdowns in between. And mirror selfies.

November was full of surprises, and some are the kind you wouldn’t expect. Or you wouldn’t want to happen. The startup I was working at closed down, which meant the holidays became a bit more uncomfortable. Surprisingly enough, I pulled through.

December came around like a long-awaited shot at redemption. It was frustrating for the most part, but it gave me new chances and better beginnings. I got a job at a company I’ve always looked up to, and realized that I may actually be allergic to office work.

Despite the terrible plot twist that was my sudden unemployment, I arrived at Iloilo with a hopeful and lighter heart. 

        

It’s 2019 now. The reformative energy of the new year is strong and I’m here to embrace it. A lot of things have changed and I bet it’s only gonna get more difficult, but I’ll push through anyway. 

No resolutions for this year, just goals: to be relentless in my pursuit of what makes me happy, and to be more forgiving to myself. I hope you will be, too!

Happy new year!